www.postsecret.com

I have found this website and it is like crack for me. It is a project started a few years ago by a guy named Frank. People are encouraged to make their own postcards and share their deepest secrets anonymously. He has a few books out that I have on my birthday list. There are also a couple of videos on youtube.com that are really interesting. I found a quote on there, ( I love quotes) that said " Every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart. If we could just remember this, I think there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance in the world." I have to agree with this totally. I need to remember this especially, I am very quick to make snap decisions that I later regret. I try to live a motto of NO REGRETS but you know, sometimes the buggers sneak up on you. One of the major things I am trying to get across to my children to help them in their lives is tolerance. I am doing a not so admirable job with Chick, I think I phrased it, "you are not a damn princess here to order us peasants around so get off the damn high horse" . Ok, not one of my better moments. I know what I was thinking and it just came out all cussy. Today was not a great day nerve wise. I seriously wanted to call the doctor and tell her to give me some happy pills. I was so stressed. I keep telling myself it is all financial and that as soon as such and such happens, it will all be good. Then something so random will set me on the edge of tears and I can't explain it. I wish I could just chalk it up to PMS, at least that is a reason. It isn't all the time, most of the time I am pretty laid back I think. It is probably just that the kids need to start school. Yeah that is it, 4 more days of summer vacation. And I have my sister breakfast next weekend, that will be a good thing. The ladies and I were talking about going to a movie after we eat, I am almost dancing at the thought. A real honest to god grown up movie with no animation, no potty breaks, no sticky hands.... giggle giggle I need to get out more.

Poems

My friend Cathleen sent these to me, I laughed out loud.


WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man, who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit

I am 32

Soon to be 33 in a couple of days. I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent, kind, loving person. I am A-Freaking-mazed at how stupid my children think I am. And how often they just ignore what I have to say. Get ready for bed? Whatever, she isn't going to turn 13 shades of red for another 30-40 minutes, we got plenty of time. And before anyone leaves any comments, I know I am inconsistant and that is why they walk all over me. I know this. It doesn't piss me off any less though. Bubba is losing all of his toys. Again. For the third time. This time they are going to the storage unit. And then there is the dryer. I am starting to think there is a washer/dryer fairy somewhere that I made really really angry. This dryer takes the burn the hell out of things approach to drying. Do not get me started on the van. Enough said about that. Chick is freaking out over a stuffed leopard that I moved when I cleaned her room while she was gone. It took her 6 weeks to notice that it was gone. I am thinking that she needs to get a hobbie that uses more of her brain cells so she doesn't have time to dwell on stuff like that. 411 is doing to needy thing to the extreme, the more attention devote to her, the more she wants. Mr is in his own world where, apparently, there are no rules and he can do whatever he wants with no consequences. Ugg, I am ranting and will probably delete this post tomorrow when I have had a good nights sleep. I don't know, I do know that I am frustrated with my children, life and finances.

bikini bed

Mr is expanding his vocabulary daily and it sometimes a challenge to understand it all. His new favorite food is bikini bed (otherwise known as zucchini bread). He is really looking forward to school starting, although he will be bummed when he realizes that he can't ride the big yellow bus like the big kids.
Not really a lot exciting happening around here. I spent all day on the phone trying to get everyone one from doctors to dhs on the same page with our latest addition. It is amazing to me how often the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing.
You wanna hear something funny? Mikey called our insurance lady (Lana, she rocks) and SHE told him he needed to get rid of a couple vehicles and get me a new one. I laughed out loud when she told me that. I have come to the point where I loathe my van but my dear hubby has promised to try to fix it enough to last one more year so we can get out of under the bank loan. That would be nice. I was messing around with a mortgage calculator online for giggles. I put in all our income and debts now and we can "afford" about $136,000 according to the numbers I put in. If we get rid of the bank loan, it jumps to $207,000. That is freaking amazing to me. I know that it isn't anything to base anything off of, I just thought it was interesting. The sad thing is, it is going to be hard to find a house that works for us as well as this apartment. I told someone the other day, if it was a house, I doubt I would ever move. Well, owning a home would be less of a priority at least.

Busy Busy Busy

Talk about a hectic 24 hours. After a midnight trip to the ER ( Mikey thought he was having chest pain but it was just his bursitis (sp?) acting up, whew) and getting to bed at 3AM I got up at 7 this morning to take our latest addition to an appointment. After that we stopped by to get some of her things and then went to walmart. As we are finishing up there, I got a call that our visitor will be staying. SO back to the school supply aisle we go. I missed taking her to the school to get her enrolled today, so I will have to take her out there tomorrow to meet the principal and get a schedule, etc. That is after I take Bubba and 411 to get fillings in the AM. Anyway, after we got home, I got the brilliant idea to rearrange Chicks room to make it roomier for two teens. After much debate, we took out both beds, took Kate's bunkbeds into their room and then drug the daybed outta my closet (THANK YOU AUNT DEANNE!!). Then after we got all that done, the beds made and the trundle put away, we had to take the full bed and some other stuff to the storage unit. All this is done while I am making beef and noodles. Yep busy day.

more to the story..

Ok, so they finally published an obituary. Not only is it ridiculously after the fact, they spelled his name wrong, gave an incorrect age and didn't list any family connections. I told my mom, if this was somebody I was attached to I would be raising cain. Since it is not, I don't care. Another strike on my kharma I am sure but oop-say-O!
We have a new friend staying with us, Chick is excited to have someone her age here.
I am looking for new recipes to take to Kathy's party tomorrow and nothing is sounding good. I would like to find a cool dessert, try something new. It must just be a bad time because even chocolate doesn't sound good. And we all know that chocolate is a gift from GOD directly :)
Got the kids all registered for school. YEE HAW!! Then it hits me, the week after next, they start back to school. Damn, I had it in my head I had plenty of time. Luckily, I started early gathering supplies so all I really have left is 2 backpacks and 4 pairs of tennis shoes. That is going to hurt my pee pee as Chelle says. It could be worse, it could be like it usually is and I have one week to get it ALL done. The girls all want these really dorky skater shoes because Jr has a pair. Whatever, I am old I guess.

It is a great day to be alive

As opposed to the alternative, everyday is a great day, huh? As almost all of you know, I had to postpone my birthday breakfast ( I really didn't want to) because my mom requested my presence at Vernes funeral. I really don't know what I think of the whole thing. TO give ya'll a synopsis, when my mom got together with him in July of 1988, he was a very proud lil man (he was only like 5'5" or something like that). He always had the pressed jeans, pearl button cowboy shirts, highly shined boots, neatly shaved and hair slicked back in that old man styling fashion. He moved to Colorado with us and turned out to be a crazy, violent alcoholic. He accused me of sleeping around when I was Chick's age, physically threw my mother across the room, tried to stab me once, covered her in lighter fluid and chased her around the house with a lighter, tried to punch me in the face for having the audacity to have a black friend just to name a few high(low?)lights. So it is with little wonder that when I graduated in '92, I moved out the day after graduation. He and my mom moved back to Mo.Valley when my grandpa passed away to look after my grandma. She will refuse to talk about it but I have my theories about violent men not just suddenly losing their tendencies. Sometime in the late 90's ( I was in Germany by then) mom had told him it was over and he tried unsuccessfully to commit suicide. He later told Mike that he was looking for my mother and couldn't find her so he decided to shoot himself. When Mike and I saw him after we came back from Germany, he was wearing dirty old sneakers, untied, no socks, sweat pants, a dirty white tee and his hair was too long and all over the place. By then he was living to drink and drinking to live. The deterioration was just horrible. He basically had no pride left. Mom got him moved into a retirement place up in Mo.Valley and he lived there till he died. While he was there, he told everyone who would listen that my mom was his ex wife and he still loved her deeply. Which was a little confusing for some people since when Art died, she was listed as his wife of 26 years. Anyway, the funeral home called her and she had to see who she had in her phone book from 10 years ago when he was a part of her life. She finally managed to track down a sister. Turns out he has 3 sisters, 5 children and an ex wife from 35 years ago. Who knew?
SO the only reason I am postponing my birthday breakfast is because my mother says she needs me, not because I have any affection for this man. I am having an internal argument. 'you should feel something like bad because a person died' vs. 'he was an asshole that doesn't deserved to be mourned, that is for his children, you know the ones he abandoned 35 years ago, to do'
Yeah, a therapist would make a small mint off me.