Time is awasting

Wow, the week really flew by. I have been busy dealing with the drama of having two teens in my home, cleaning, a four year old that acts like an elf on speed, and various other day to day annoyances. I was reminiscing yesterday (alternating with cursing Mikey for not being home) and it amazes me how utterly average I am, what a depressing thought. Then I started thinking about where I started in life and realized that while other kids were wishing to be astronauts/firefighters/president/ballerinas/teachers/doctors/lawyers, I was wishing to be left alone by the various grown men in my moms life. While other kids were going to amusement parks with their parents, I was moving for the millionth time. While some kids were complaining that their parents were all up in their business, I was running wild all over Colorado Springs. My aspirations were to grow up to have a stable, safe, honest, alcoholic free (mostly), drug free, non scary home. I am content in accomplishing that. I have long felt guilt to a degree for not finishing college. That wasn't what I wanted, that was what my sister wanted for me. I understand that, I want my kids to be better then me. Smarter, funnier, more compassionate, kinder, more generous, more ambitious, more polite, more assertive; better. I sometimes think I am screwing them up but you know what? It could be so much worse. At least I am not using my children as begging tools. I don't take my kids shopping so I can spend their gift cards on myself they just got for their birthday. I don't lie to them and deny having said it. I don't let them eat hot dogs or not at all six days a week because my alcohol and cigarettes are more important. I don't beat them (even when I understand the urge). I don't drop them off without them knowing that I am coming back for sure. To my way of thinking, average or 'normal' is a good starting place for my kids and it is an accomplishment for me.