Yesterday, Chick wrote me a letter. In this letter she tells me that I don't listen to her, I don't know what I am talking about when I make suggestions, and that I am comparing her to Blondie. It broke my heart. I have made a point of listening to everything she has to say since she learned to talk. I have worked really hard to make sure that we had what I thought was a good relationship. I have made jokes about my daughter thinks I am stupid because she is a teen. But she really does think I have no clue. How can she not know how proud of her I am? How does she not see that I think her individuality is amazing? I don't understand how she could possibly think that I would want her to be just like someone else. I thought I have made my opinions clear. Yes, I get mad at her behavior. That is because she is not perfect, no one on this planet is. Her and I are taking a mental health/mommy&daughter day tomorrow .
I am proud of her for writing it out for me and having the courage to tell me. That says something of our relationship, right?
I know that everyone with daughters has/will go through something like this but it truly, deeply hurts.
3 comments:
I had about 18 months of this when Karen turned 13. One of the mothers at the hospital listened to me vent my frustrations one day, she then asked me how old Karen was, I told her 13! She grabbed me, hugged me and sincerely said to me, "Oh, I feel your pain, you won't be able to stand her until she is 21, trust me." I had to laugh at her, thank god it only lasted a short time with us, but it is pretty normal. One thing I do believe is you can't molly coddle them, you at times have to be the mom and set limits on how they treat you, and other people. You aren't there to be the friend, you are still the mom. Disrespect and ill treatment of you and others has to be addressed for what it is...otherwise, she is going to go thru some of this, it is her right of passage. There is a really find line between allowing her to have her 'teenage moments' and allowing her to walk on you or her family or her friends. Sometimes teens aren't very likeable while they go thru this stage. When they don't have friends it is due to their own behavior sometimes. And sometimes it is because their friends are just as ugly as they are at this time in their lives. HAHA
I know that I don't have kids and people with kids usually think that I don't have a clue what I am talking about but I am still going to leave a comment here.
I think that her having the courage to write you that letter says a lot about the type of Mom you are. I would have never written a letter to my parents when I was growing up because I would have been scared shitless that I was going to get in trouble or worse yet I would get made fun of.
I think that this is your opportunity to help her come through this phase with more confidence and strength.
I know your feelings are hurt and you want to make things right with her but as you said she is not perfect and lately she has been trying your patience. Remind her that sometimes we ask for what we get whether it be bad or good.
I also have to add that were I in her shoes I would be jealous of Blondie and would be afraid of being compared to her also but that would only be because I was very insecure when I was growing up and I felt like no one loved me and that nothing I did was right.
I am not sure if this is what she if feeling but if it is, you will want to fix it othewise it will hurt for years.
I have faith in you and her!
Love ya
Auntie D
I agree with Deanne, and I can't even believe that I am, haha, just kidding. I think that any kid that's parents have foster kids are jealous, it is only normal. Insecurity is part of growing up, some kids have it to a higher degree than other kids. Deanne's was justified. HAHA, just kidding once again. Hang in there, it will get better.
Post a Comment