Ten years ago today, my first husband died. He was killed by an idiot/drunk driver/ speeder ( he is all of the above in my opinion). Every year around this time, I miss him terribly and wonder how different my life would be if a particualr thing hadn't happened. If he had gotten a ride from someone else, if the dumbass hadn't over corrected, if his head injuries hadn't been so sever, if his lung injuries hadn't been so severe, but most of all I wonder if I had stayed at the hospital, would it have made a difference? (After a week of the doctors saying they didn't know when or even if he would wake up, I decided to bring Chick home since we lived 5 hours from the hospital. 4 hours after we got home, they called and said he was gone.) Pointless I know, but well, no one has ever accused me of being the most efficient person. Anyway, I was wandering around http://www.quotegarden.com/ (LOVE this site) and found this jewel....
Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St Vincent Millay
That about sums it up. Tommorrow would have been his 35th birthday. I would've loved to harrass him about it. I believe things have worked out exactly as they are supposed to, even with all the "surprises" life has thrown my way. By the way, this is the last picture taken of me that I liked. That is kind of sad since it was taken 14 year ago. AArrgghhh that seems like so long ago. I know, it isn't, but it sure seems like it.
1 comment:
I am sorry for your loss. I often wonder what would have happened if you and Mike hadn't gotten married, too. Who would he have married? It is too wierd when you think of what if's. Life can't be spent that way. It happened the way it happened, there's no going back.
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